How Excessive Fear of Judgment Can Make Us Irrational

There are many widely known and discussed sources of human irrationality, such as confirmation bias, the false consensus effect, or the many other biases and fallacies that influence our thinking and decisions in systematically sub-optimal ways. One source of irrationality that receives comparatively little attention is one that we might call excessive fear of judgment: many of us avoid beneficial actions out of an irrational or exaggerated fear of being judged by others. In this essay, we’ll discuss what this type of fear typically looks like, how and when it harms us, and what we can do to overcome it.

The first time I (Markus) noticed excessive fear of judgment in myself was around 15 years ago, when I was still a teenager. One Saturday I joined my mother in rushing our family dog Robby to the veterinarian for an urgent, life-saving surgery. The surgery appeared to go well, and Robby seemed fine after waking up. The veterinarian told us to keep an eye on his recovery, and that he should return to full health over the next few days. The next morning, Robby was behaving strangely and seemed quite unwell. My mother quickly decided that we should visit the veterinarian again, as something wasn’t right. I, however, was very hesitant – the initial surgery had already been on the weekend, outside of the veterinarian's regular opening times, and I had the impression that bothering the doctor again, still outside his usual working hours, would be somehow inappropriate. So there was our dog’s well-being, survival even, on the one side, and my fear of bothering this doctor on the other side. And somehow the latter was strong enough that I twice asked my mother whether she really thought it was necessary to contact the doctor again. In the end, we did, and her instincts had unfortunately been right – the surgery had in fact not gone as well as it had initially seemed, and due to these complications, our poor Robby ended up having to get euthanized that same day. And as devastating as that outcome was, one thing that stuck with me is how our beloved dog was apparently in great pain, and yet there I was worrying about a doctor getting annoyed at us.

A disproportionate inhibition against questioning or inconveniencing authority figures is one common example of this pattern where excessive fear of judgment can adversely affect our behavior. People may avoid questioning the assessment of their doctor, for instance, even when it’s clear that the doctor hasn’t fully understood their situation. But there are many other common situations where people are affected by their aversion to attract other people’s judgments:

One of the most widespread fears among humans is that of public speaking, with one study suggesting that 24% of the general population are afraid of “speaking (or performing) in front of a group of people”. The exact figures will depend on the population and the exact wording used in such surveys, but there’s no doubt that a great many people fear public speaking. We’re scared of making some silly mistake, or boring the audience, or forgetting our words and ending up looking ridiculous or incompetent. It is of course true that these things can happen, and in some cases, this may indeed lead to some momentary judgments by others. It’s still important to be aware that for most people, the fear they experience in such situations is typically disproportionate to the actual likelihood or impact of something going wrong. The reality is, that six months later most people won't even remember the presentation, let alone whether it was boring or whether you stumbled over your words.
Many people are scared of asking others out on a date even in situations where it's perfectly acceptable to do so – even though the upside is potentially huge, while the risk is mostly negligible. If the worst we can realistically expect is a benign rejection, then shouldn’t that be a very small price to pay even for a small chance of a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship? While we should of course be mindful not to make others uncomfortable, even when people are in settings where it would be appropriate to ask a person on a date, they often chicken out, due to fear of embarrassment. Just imagine how many happy relationships never came to be due to the fear of looking a little stupid!
Some people, to varying degrees, hide their true selves in social situations because they feel like others wouldn’t accept them as they are. So they end up maintaining a facade that they deem to be more socially acceptable, and not being their authentic self. This can be devastating for people’s happiness and ability to form deep social connections, and often, their fear of not being likable is entirely unfounded!
Quite a number of psychology experiments show shocking behaviors that are likely linked, at least in part, to excessive fear of judgment. One classic example comes from the Asch conformity experiments: study participants were put together with a group of others that they thought were other study participants, but in reality, were actors. The group was then asked to perform the simple task of comparing the lengths of a few clearly visible lines. It turned out that when the group of actors gave the obvious and correct answer, the error rate of participants was almost 0. But when the actors all gave the same incorrect answer, 74% of participants were, at least once across the multiple iterations of this experiment they went through, swayed to follow with that same wrong answer. Or take the famous “smoke-filled room” study, that showed that study participants were much less likely to raise the alarm about the room filling with smoke when they were in the company of passive others, compared to when they were alone.
Excessive fear of judgment may also have played a role in some life-or-death situations: In August 1997, Korean Airlines flight 801 crashed into a hill in Guam, shortly before reaching its destination, ending 229 lives. One contributing factor to this tragedy may have been the first officer’s and the flight engineer’s hesitancy to point out the captain’s mistakes and oversights. For instance, as can be taken from the transcript of the cockpit voice recorder, there was confusion around the condition of the glide slope, a key instrument typically used for landing. They had been informed via radio transmission that the glide slope was unusable for their approach. In response to this, the flight engineer asked “Is the glide slope working”?, to which the sleep-deprived captain, apparently having missed the radio transmission, responded “Yes, yes it’s working”, which went unchallenged by the others. Shortly after, the plane crashed and 229 people died.
Another catastrophe that is sometimes attributed to similar social dynamics, where fear of clashing with authority may have caused safety concerns to be disregarded, is that of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor meltdown. A risky and ultimately unsafe test was conducted, with the operators succumbing to the pressure of chief engineer Anatoly Dyatlov, disabling safety systems and violating safety protocols.

Looking at all these examples of excessive fear of judgment, there seem to be several different causes at play:

Fear being scrutinized
Fear of ridicule or rejection
Fear of displeasing authority figures

Presumably, this type of fear is so common for a reason – it would never have become so prevalent among humans if there hadn’t been some strong evolutionary selection pressure for it. But evolution is a slow process compared to the speed of change of our social reality. So this fear may well have been very appropriate and useful in the ancestral environment, and may yet have lost its edge in our world today. For instance, it’s conceivable that intense fear of judgment was once advantageous when one’s social standing in the tribe was of major importance, and staying in the good graces of authoritative individuals may have played a major role in survival. And perhaps fear of public speaking is so common because it simulates having the attention of the entire tribe – which in our evolutionary history may have represented a critical moment in your life. We can’t know for sure, but…

Something we can know is that even today fear can still be very useful and informative. Rational fear – that is, fear that is experienced in proportion to actual danger, is critical for navigating the world and keeping us safe. There might be serious consequences to disobeying an authority figure, or to saying something inappropriate, and fear of judgment can help us avoid those consequences. But as many of the above examples demonstrate, this sort of fear is often disproportionate, leading to irrational inhibitions to our behavior, sometimes with devastating consequences. Perhaps inappropriate fear in social situations is common due to a mismatch between the environments in which our species evolved and the modern environment we find ourselves in today.

How common exactly is excessive fear of judgment? While it’s hard to name precise numbers, excessive fear of judgment can affect almost everybody. It’s noteworthy that, unlike for instance Social Anxiety Disorder, excessive fear of judgment is not a trait of a person, but something much more situational. People who experience a lot of social anxiety are likely to be especially prone to excessive fear of judgment, but even those who are normally low in social anxiety may find that excessive fear of judgment is triggered by particular situations.

One can think of fear as analogous to a smoke alarm: if a smoke detector is reliable and sounds the alarm when there’s fire, but not otherwise, then it is very useful and can save one’s life. But if our smoke detector constantly goes off in situations where no fire is present, it becomes a huge distraction, and can lead us to live in perpetual fear of fire, even when things are perfectly safe!

How to Overcome Our Excessive Fear of Judgment

Despite all the grim examples we covered, there’s also something very positive and empowering about all this: in principle, once we’ve identified that the fear we experience in some particular situation is disproportionate, we can decide to accept that fear and do the thing anyway! Whether it’s asking out our crush, questioning a decision by our boss, or even just asking our doctor a clarifying question, fear does not have to have the final say in how we behave. Here are some approaches that may help you push through excessive fear of judgment:

Ask yourself honestly: What is a bad outcome that is actually somewhat likely in this situation? Is it as bad as the fear makes it appear? Could you handle it if it happened? If it really is that bad, and you couldn't handle it, then your fear may be entirely rational. But otherwise, this may present a chance to grow beyond your constraints.
Adopt a personal life principle like "I aim to never let fear prevent me from doing something valuable". Even just setting this intention can make a difference.
Do safe things that scare you on purpose, to prove to yourself that fear doesn’t need to stop you. Learning to push through fear (when you know, intellectually, that something isn't actually dangerous) is a powerful skill to cultivate. Go to that movie you're scared of or ride that frightening roller coaster in order to develop that skill.
Exposure therapy, where you purposely expose yourself to things you are irrationally afraid of while preventing yourself from engaging in coping behaviors, can work wonders. It's such a powerful technique that it sometimes can even literally cure decades-long fears. If you can find or create a setting where you can expose yourself to these fear-inducing situations in safe and controlled ways, to prove to your brain that they are ultimately harmless, this can be a life-changing experience. Exposure therapy is best done with a psychologist who is trained in the method, but it is also possible to do it on your own if you have taken the time to understand the principles and the evidence-based steps involved.
More generally, if you are unusually affected by excessive fear of judgment, or you have frequent social anxiety, it may be a good idea to involve a mental health professional.
In case you are involved in a community or organization, and particularly if you’re in a position where you can help shape the environment, it can be worthwhile to work towards psychological safety, which can reduce the fear of judgment for everyone involved.

We can let ourselves be informed by fear – treating it as a smoke detector for potential danger – without letting that smoke detector control our lives.

When you overcome irrational fears of judgment, the benefits can be profound: you can build stronger relationships, make better decisions, and live a life that aligns more closely with your values.

Sometimes excessive fear of judgment can even go way beyond just the individual level. Take the case of Tilly Smith: At just ten years old, she was vacationing with her family on Mai Khao Beach in Thailand in late December 2004. Having recently covered tsunamis in geography class, she recognized the warning signs of the devastating tsunami that was about to hit the coast just minutes later. She warned her parents, who didn't take her seriously at first. But she persisted and finally convinced her father of the danger. Together they then managed to get the beach evacuated just in time, saving about a hundred lives. Fortunately, Tilly wasn't afraid to make a fuss, even when people didn't believe her. Many of us would hesitate in such a situation – just imagine how bad it would look if the whole beach was evacuated because of us, and then it turned out we were wrong! And so many of us might hesitate until there are much clearer signs, by which time it may already be too late.

Most of us luckily never have to make decisions that could spell life or death for such large numbers of people, and yet many of us are strongly affected by exaggerated fears nonetheless. Fears which may be counterproductive in the modern environment, and misfire in social situations that are far less dangerous than they seem. But by taking an intentional approach and being deliberate in overcoming these fears, we can learn to turn fear of judgment from a limitation into what it’s actually meant to be: a useful instrument for navigating life.